Saturday, May 18, 2013

Walking away from what I Love...The Back Story

This morning, with tears welling, I shouldered the weight of the world and walked to greet the new day. Without emotion, I wiped my eyes and recalled why I have had to walk away from the work that I love, carpentry. The tears were not for sadness, or pain, but an occasional involuntary leakage that is due to nerve damage from injuries to my spine.
Six years ago I had hurt my back so badly that at the end of a days work, when I would lay down, my entire body would begin to spasm. Without pain, my nose would start to run while my eyes poured tears and with every heartbeat all my muscles jerked like I were attached to an electric current switching on and off. After a few minutes the spasms, runny nose and tears would cease, to be replaced by immobilizing pain. A lifetime of accumulated accidents, strains and overwork reduced me to a day of work, then two or three days to recover. Through the nights I would awaken to the sound of someone crying out in pain, to find that someone was me; I had tried to move or roll over as I slept and awoke myself with my own cries.
At the time, the only thing I could do was walk. I had just been given Nice (the puppy). Rolling the world was therapy, so I walked four hundred miles.
Nine separate walks since then have strengthened my old muscles. Months on the road, after many years I have healed to have only the occasional welling of tears. Thousands of miles and I have lost a few pounds. Dozens of States walking in memory of my mother and don't cry myself awake anymore..
The back side of the story is: I would not be here if I had not been so broken. Some say one has to loose everything to find something more valuable.
I had to give up what I love, but found that something.

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